Sunday, February 21, 2010

Grocery Store Etiquette

On your next shopping excursion, remember these simple rules of Grocery Store Etiquette:
When steering a shopping cart, you must yield at all times. Do not recklessly proceed into the intersection without stopping, thus causing a near death experience for other shoppers.

Do not allow your children to steer the cart. It is almost guaranteed they will run into an unsuspecting customer, block an isle, or ram a carefully crafted display into oblivion.

No texting while driving a shopping cart. You're likely to clip someone's heel. Very painful!

Do not make eye contact with shoppers while talking on a bluetooth device. Most unsuspecting shoppers will answer you, only to be completely embarrassed when they discover that you were not speaking to them in the first place.

Don't cause an avalanche in the produce section and then walk away as if you didn't notice.

Deal swiftly with your child's tantrum. Helpful tip: If all else fails, tell your child you will buy whatever they want and then "accidentally" leave it out of the shopping cart just before approaching the register. Note: This may sound politically incorrect however, it is the lesser of two evils.

Once in line, there is no "running back for the item you forgot". (although it's ok to send your spouse or child so long as they can make it back in time without holding up the line)

Obey the "10 items or less" rule. (bring a calculator if this seems too complicated)

Leave your shopping cart in better condition than you found it. i.e. do not leave your grocery list, old ads, napkins, an empty Starbucks cup, etc. etc. in the cart.

Return your cart to the designated area. Do not block prime parking spots or allow your cart to drift aimlessly into someone's vehicle.

Warning: Failure to follow these simple rules of Grocery Store Etiquette will result in extremely bad karma.

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