Rules of the game

The shortest person is always first in line for hitting the piñata.

You know you're getting old when. . . .

♥ Your back goes out more often than you do.
♥ You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
♥ Your idea of a night out is sitting out on the patio.
♥ Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
♥ You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for shoes.
♥ Your children begin to look middle aged.
♥ Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
♥ It takes twice as long to look half as good.
♥ Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Grocery Store Etiquette

On your next shopping excursion, remember these simple rules of Grocery Store Etiquette:
When steering a shopping cart, you must yield at all times. Do not recklessly proceed into the intersection without stopping, thus causing a near death experience for other shoppers.

Do not allow your children to steer the cart. It is almost guaranteed they will run into an unsuspecting customer, block an isle, or ram a carefully crafted display into oblivion.

No texting while driving a shopping cart. You're likely to clip someone's heel. Very painful!

Do not make eye contact with shoppers while talking on a bluetooth device. Most unsuspecting shoppers will answer you, only to be completely embarrassed when they discover that you were not speaking to them in the first place.

Don't cause an avalanche in the produce section and then walk away as if you didn't notice.

Deal swiftly with your child's tantrum. Helpful tip: If all else fails, tell your child you will buy whatever they want and then "accidentally" leave it out of the shopping cart just before approaching the register. Note: This may sound politically incorrect however, it is the lesser of two evils.

Once in line, there is no "running back for the item you forgot". (although it's ok to send your spouse or child so long as they can make it back in time without holding up the line)

Obey the "10 items or less" rule. (bring a calculator if this seems too complicated)

Leave your shopping cart in better condition than you found it. i.e. do not leave your grocery list, old ads, napkins, an empty Starbucks cup, etc. etc. in the cart.

Return your cart to the designated area. Do not block prime parking spots or allow your cart to drift aimlessly into someone's vehicle.

Warning: Failure to follow these simple rules of Grocery Store Etiquette will result in extremely bad karma.

Loteria Card Reading

If you look closely, it appears there is a hidden message here. Somebody is planning to give their corazon "la bota"!

Got Ashes?

If you are a good Catholic you made time in your busy day to attend mass and receive your ashes marked in the shape of a cross on your forehead. The ashes come from burning the blessed palm branches used during the Palm Sunday celebration of the previous year. The marking of the foreheads with ashes symbolizes that the person belongs to Jesus Christ, who died on the cross and rose again from the dead three days later. Then, to choose what you will give up for Lent: that is, give up something for forty days until Easter as a form of penance or self sacrifice.

When I was growing up, if my family didn't make it out to mass,we would come across a "Good Catholic" and simply "borrow" some of their ashes and apply them to our forehead. In retrospect, this seems so unethical.. . . I hope God still loves us♥!

Brothers

Urban dictionary's definition of brother:

Someone of the male persuasion (doesn't have to be related) who you are very close with. Someone whose opinion and insight you value over anyone elses. Someone that you desire only the best for them in life with no strings attached. Someone who has impacted and influenced your life for the better♥.

Mega Tasking

Does multi-tasking bore you? Try Mega Tasking: Doing more than 5 tasks at one time.

Cowboy Proverb

"Courage is being scared to death - and saddling up anyway." ~John Wayne

Catholic Guilt

Confessions to the Padrecito

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It's been forever quite some time since my last confession:
Let's see, ugh. . .well, for starters:
My library books are all overdue
I've been texting while driving again
I've "under-tipped" at a restaurant
I'm guilty of texting "OMG"
I regularly "sample" the grapes at the grocery store
I snuck into a movie without paying
I cut in line at Costco
I never rarely return my shopping cart to the designated area
I lied about my height (and weight) on my driver's license
So, ugh, Padrecito. . .are you busy next week? . . . cuz I think I may be back soon.

Confessions of a Valentine's Day Snoop

I have a confession to make. . . . I am a recovering Valentine's Day Snoop.
When my oldest son was but a little guy, I would eagerly wait for him to get home from school with his heart-shaped pouch filled with Valentine's Day Cards. Once he was fast asleep, I would read each card, one by one, until I found that special card that revealed his secret crush. I am proud to say that I no longer snoop through his Valentine's Day cards, after all, he is now 20 years old. . . .but I have 3 others at home, and with Valentine's Day just around the corner, I can only hope that I don't fall off the wagon.

New Craig's List Ad

Expert cupcake taster available for hire.